Originally posted on David:
A big question posed to me daily on the street Many want to know the reason why I am a rastaman Many people see I, many people ask I Why am i a rastaman? Many people see I, many people ask Why am i a rastaman? It’s because of the Babylon…
Originally posted on David:
PRAYERS FOR GOD’S FAVOUR
Would you like to have anointed favour to come upon your life? This is God’s desire for you.
The bible declares that God anointed Jesus with His spirit to come and declare the year of the Lords favour upon us.
We are favoured by the lord. It is however sad that the enemy comes to condemn and steal/block/divert the favour that we should have.
Begin your new year/month/ week with these prayers to release your favour upon your life.
Remember this is by faith alone. Take it by force my brethren:
Begin with praise and worship
I confess that my faith is in the Lordship of Jesus Christ, my saviour
Ps 102:13 says “Thou shall arise, and have mercy upon Zion, for the time to favour her, yea, the set time is come”.
I declare that this is my time for the lord to arise and have mercy upon me for the time of my favour has come.
Ps 89:20 says “I have found favour with David my servant, with holy oil have I anointed him”.
Lord let me have favour with you, arise o my God, and anoint me with holy oil.
Today I come against all evil and negative thoughts that Satan and his agents have planted in my heart.
I destroy them in the name of Jesus. I rebuke all demons controlling them in the name of Jesus
I silence all demons disturbing my spirit in the name of Jesus
I release the fire of the Holy spirit to destroy every source of evil thoughts in Jesus name
I bind, rebuke and cast out all anti favour demons, anti-prayer demons, anti-miracle demons, anti-deliverance demons and all rebel spirits causing hindrances in the heavenlies, air, land sea or under the sea in Jesus name
I nullify their power in the name of Jesus Christ
I nullify and destroy all curses and garments of ill luck, curses and garments of failure, curses and garments of shame, curses and garments of hatred, curses and garments of death, curses and garments of disappointment and any other curse or garment of the devil hindering me from receiving my favour
I rebuke, bind and cast them out in Jesus name
I destroy any book of the devil in which my name is written for any reason
I rebuke and cast all demons working on those books in the name of Jesus
I erase my name with the blood of Jesus from the temple of the devil, shrine and mystic homes in Jesus name
I come against all marks of hatred and all marks tattooed on my body which hinder me from receiving my divine favour.
I erase them with the blood of Jesus
I erase with the blood of Jesus marks of disappointment, marks of sorrow, marks of hatred, marks of poverty, marks of ill-luck, marks of sicknesses, marks of failure, marks of trouble and every other visible or invisible mark
I bind rebuke and cast away in Jesus name demons following me because of these marks
I wash myself with the blood of Jesus and command the good angels of the Lord to follow me
My name is……………… from ………….(country),…………(tribe) and ……………(clan-if any)
If in any case my name, surname, clan, tribe or country is that of a demon, an idol, a river or steam, evil person, mermaid, bitter occasion, market day, evil day/season or anything that glorifies Satan, I destroy the spiritual meaning and significance of such names
I bind, rebuke and cast out every demon that has been hindering my progress though such names in Jesus name
I now dedicate my name and cancel all negative connotations of my name to the glory of God in the name of Jesus
O lord, make my name a blessing and turn away your shame to glory
I now rise against wizards, witches and demons that give people evil dreams in Jesus name
I destroy all evil dreams that cause people to hate me in Jesus name
I wipe with the blood of Jesus all evil dreams registered in the minds of people concerning me
I come against demons that alter every good thing/kindness you show me through my dreams in Jesus name
I command every demon that causes me to eat in my dream, have sex in my dream, fly in my dream, talk in my dream, swim in my dream, cry in my dream, fear in my d
I declare its time for my favour in Jesus name
Let your angels o lord, of goodness and mercy follow me
I now put on garments of divine favour http://wp.me/p7ZLBf-5x
O lord, light the candle of my life (Ps 18:28) and thank you so much for favouring me.
To add to these prayers, your actions must be added to receive the divine favor.
Respect 10 commandments. Seek no pleasure, live to serve others and live through kind selfless service. Fast often.
Forgive those who offended you and give gifts anonymously.
(You will be especially blessed if the person thanks God, not you, for the gift).
My name is Peter from Iten.I have a problem with women, here is what I am undergoing.
I was born a brave boy, and even voted the most handsome pupil in my school during a contest. I grew up knowing women love me.
I am now mature and ready to marry but I have a problem with women. Every time I approach a lady, she runs like she has seen a disaster. I try to explain why I am the best man in her life but she sneers at me.I have tried in more than 10 occasions to ask my mother whether I am handsome, and she always say,”yes”.Since I trust my mum more than these silly girls I don’t even need to look at myself in the mirror.
I am now asking, what trick can I use to win a beautiful woman. Please help a desperate brother.
A Little Boy in a family Was Ordered To Pray before they could go to sleep for the Night!
Boy: I Don’t Know How To Pray…..!
Dad: Just Pray For Every Thing You Know about The Family And Our Neighbours.
Boy: Mummy, Please, Tell Daddy I Can’t Pray!
Mummy:: Shut Up, If You Don’t Pray You’ll Not Eat Food In this House!
Boy: Dad, Tell Sister To Pray Please…!
Dad: My son, Pray Before I Slap You Hard Now!
Boy: “Dear Lord…..” He Started…..!
“Thank You Oh God For Our Visitors And Their Children Who always Come Here To Eat Our Food, Don’t Let Them Finish All Our Food for we shall be Hungry!
From Today Father, Any Boy Who Beats Or Slaps Me In School, Help Me To Slap Them Back!
Forgive Our Driver Who I Always See Naked With My Sister Wrestling On The Bed!
Help my sister to fight back before the driver can make her grow round!
Forgive my elder brother who doesn’t sleep at home regularly!
Please, Provide Clothes To All The Naked Ladies On My Daddy’s
Phone and don’t let them drain my father’s salary!
Give my Daddy courage to buy for us good things as he always do to Aunty our house girl!
Again Lord Don’t Let Our House Girl Put Her Mouth Inside My Daddy’s Mouth Again!
Please, Provide Shelter For All The Men Who Sleep In Mum’s Room Anytime Dad Travels. Forgive me wherever I have asked wrongly!
In Jesus Name I pray…..!”
Nobody said AMEN!!
Every Body Regretted Ever Forcing Him To Pray…�
Don’t Laugh Alone.. Share With Your Friends.😅😅😅😆😜😂😛
BOY; knock knock knock
GIRL; opens the door
.BOY; Good afternoon baby?
GIRL; Afternoon darling… Is everything okay because I have never seen u coming here at my place.
BOY; I wanted to surprise you.
GIRL; No because you are always scared of my parents.
BOY; Where are your parents?
GIRL; They are all at the church
BOY; At what time are they coming back?
GIRL; Around 17:00hrs
BOY; OK I will come and talk to them later ( he knelt down and showed the girl a Ring and said) WILL YOU MARRY ME?
GIRL; She said nothing but only tears came out.
BOY; what’s wrong, I thought this would be a good news to you but all am seeing is you’re crying.
GIRL; I can’t marry you darling go find other woman who is better than me.
BOY; baby why are you saying so?
GIRL; I am HIV positive!!!
BOY; Brokes into tears and hold the hand and said.
I love honey and I will marry you you weather HIV positive or negative I don’t care.
GIRL; I love you too darling and yes I will marry you
.The question is can you marry someone who is HIV positive?
How many marks can u give him?
TEACHER: IN WHICH BATTLE DID NAPOLEONDIE?
MUZO: HIS LAST BATTLE.
TEACHER: WHERE WAS THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE SIGNED?
MUZO: AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.
TEACHER: RIVER RAVI FLOWS IN WHICH STATE?
TEACHER: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR DIVORCE?
TEACHER: WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON FOR FAILURE?
TEACHER: WHAT CAN YOU NEVER EAT FOR BREAKFAST?
MUZO: LUNCH AND DINNER
TEACHER: WHAT LOOKS LIKE HALF AN APPLE?
MUZO: THE OTHER HALF.
TEACHER: IF YOU THROW A RED STONE INTO THE BLUE SEA WHAT WILL IT BECOME?
TEACHER: HOW CAN A MAN GO EIGHT DAYS WITHOUT SLEEPING?
MUZO: NO PROBLEM, HE SLEEPS AT NIGHT.
TEACHER: HOW CAN YOU LIFT AN ELEPHANT WITH ONE HAND?
MUZO: YOU WILL NEVER FIND AN ELEPHANT THAT HAS ONE HAND.
TEACHER: IF YOU HAD THREE APPLES AND FOUR ORANGES IN ONE HAND AND FOUR APPLES AND THREE ORANGES IN OTHER HAND, WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE?
MUZO: VERY LARGE HANDS.
TEACHER: IF IT TOOK EIGHT MEN TEN HOURS TO BUILD A WALL, HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE FOUR MEN TO BUILD IT?
MUZO: NO TIME AT ALL, THE WALL IS ALREADY BUILT.
SHORT FUNNY JOKES ADULTS
1. Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck?
A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them
2. Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
3. Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
4. Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
5. Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
6. Q: What has got two legs and bleeds?
A: Half a dog!
7. Q: What do you call an afghan virgin
A: Never bin laid on
8. Q: Why is santa so jolly?
A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
9. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
10. Q: Did you hear about the guy who ran in-front of the bus?
A: He got tired
11. Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
A: By becoming a ventriloquist!
12. Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100?
A: Pull some strings.
13. Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?
A: Because they can’t stand up for themselves
14. Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done
15. Q: Why doesn’t a chicken wear pants?
A: Because his pecker is on his head!
16. Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
A: He needed to get to the bottom!
17. Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me im going in!
18. Q: What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
A: Crabs on your organ.
19. Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road?
A: Forget about it.
20. Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times?
A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
21. Q: What kind of bees produce milk?
22. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
23. Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don’t have balls to scratch.
24. Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.
25. Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common?
A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back!
26. Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs?
A: He doesn’t want anyone knowing he’s been fucking the chickens!
27. Q: What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?
28. Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
29. Q: What do u call a bunny with a bent dick?
A: FUCKS FUNNY
30. Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.
31. Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower?
A: Slick her hair back she looks 15..
32. Q: What’s strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
A: The back of my hand.
33. Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don’t work and always take your money.
34. Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
35. Q: How do they say “fuck you” in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.
36. Q: What do bread and autistic kids have in common?
A: They both have special needs
37. Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are YOU shaking? She’s going to eat me! One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”
38. Q; Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader?
A: They both suck for four quarters.
39. Q: What is a crack head’s favorite song?
A: I wanna rock!
40. Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?
A: Wave to them!
41. Q: What do you call a gang banger behind bars?
A: Anything you want.
42. Q; What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest?
A: A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off
43. Q: What is Superman’s greatest weakness?
A: A bucking horse.
44. Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?
A: He got the gas bill.
45. Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.
46. Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common?
A: They both stick there meat in 10 year oldbbuns